Results tagged “friends” from onegoodmove

My Friend Jill

It's In The Wrist, Doll: Killing a mother is unforgiveable, so forgive me already. Please.

So I' ve been so sick. Sick almost to death and it's largely my own damn fault for my love of a good smoke. Even now, with oxygen and a gasp to die for, I suck on these fuckers like the teat of life itself. . .

We all have to answer to something, and having given up the traditional subjects of devotion as unworkable in my world, there are those people I love that I wouldn't hurt if I could help it.

And I wish I could help it. I'm a cipher. If I were my own judge, I would not be silent and sanguine, for killing a mother is an unforgiveable act. Yet I have to find a way to forgive myself so I can leave my children without a gaping maw where their ma used to be.

They deserve as much high minded positive projection as my soul can deliver, and frankly, I do too.

When we will draw our final breath is uncertain. It is however more certain for some, like my friend Jill, than for others. I only know Jill from her blog, her participation here and an ocassional email, but I think of her as a friend. In some ways we know those we meet online better than those in 'real life' since we meet them through the written word.

Jill says people tell her she's smart, and she is, and in the same breath, one that is increasingly difficult for her to take, she acknowledges that being smart is not enough. She doesn't apologize for the mistakes she's made in life, but faces them head on. Jill will be leaving us, not soon, but sooner than I would like, and certainly sooner than she would like. I'll miss her insightful, thoughtful comments but that's down the road a way. And who knows if I'll still be here then, or you who are reading this.

When my time comes I hope that I face it with as much honesty and grace as Jill. She asks those who love her to forgive her for killing a mother and that it is easy for me, for who of us leads a perfect life. I think her children will also find it easy to forgive her, though they'll miss her terribly. It's a good reminder to get the most out of each day for each one is a gift we should cherish.