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A Question or Two

Have you ever played jacks, pick-up sticks, or flag football? Would you go into debt to pay for an operation for a cat to prolong its life six months? How about a distant relative, a cousin you haven’t seen for forty years? Have you ever ridden a horse, a cow, a dog? If I say bareback riding do you think of horses? Do you know your own IQ? Do you tell others what it is? Do you exaggerate?

Have you ever worked on a farm or delivered a newspaper? What do you think of if I say moving pipes? Have you ever received a call from a collection agency? Did you shoot birds with a bb gun when you were younger? Do you still shoot birds? When you were a child did you know anyone who hung a cat from a clothesline? How did he turn out? Was his name Jeffrey? Have you ever propelled your body through water using your limbs? Have you done it in a canal, a river? Do you even know how to swim?

Do you ever wonder where George Bush is at this exact moment? Do you care? Is Barack Obama doing a good job? Do you think Hillary would have done a better job? How about John McCain? Have you ever doused yourself in gasoline and threatened to set yourself alight? Do you ever think about what it would be like to stand on Sarah Palin’s front lawn and look at Russia? Would you buy a used car from Sean Hannity? Would you shack up with Ann Coulter? If you wouldn't buy a used car from Sean Hannity would you buy one from Joe Liebermann or Claire McCaskill?

Do you use the phrase “begs the question” when you mean to raise the question? Do you understand the term bad faith as it applies to existentialism? Do you substitute playdough for Plato when speaking of the Greek Philosopher? If I say Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates can you place them in the proper chronological order? Are you tired of all the questions? Do you wonder what prompted this silliness, this interrogative mood?


 

Comments

Do you sometimes use a period when you should have used a question mark.

I posted it before I finished editing it. They should all be questions. I think I've fixed them all, but may have missed one, or two. Did I?

Ah, Norm... sigh

You know we love you!

Have you ever played jacks, pick up sticks, or flag football?

Yes, yes but only on Windows 3.1, yes.

Would you go into debt to pay for an operation for a cat to prolong its life six months?

Depends

How about a distant relative, a cousin you haven’t seen for forty years?

Probably

Have you ever ridden a horse, a cow, a dog?

Yes, no, no.

If I say bareback riding do you think of horses?

Yes... wait... maybe.

Do you know your own IQ?

No, but I might take the MENSA test so I can put "look I am very smart" on my resume.

Do you tell others what it is? Do you exaggerate?

No. Why? It is just a number.

Have you ever worked on a farm or delivered a newspaper?

Yes, no.

What do you think of if I say moving pipes?

Screensaver.

Have you ever received a call from a collection agency?

Yes. *cries*

Did you shoot birds with a bb gun when you were younger?

No.

Do you still shoot birds?

No!

When you were a child did you know anyone who hung a cat from a close-line?

No.

Have you ever propelled your body through water using your limbs? Have you done it in a canal, a river? Do you even know how to swim?

Yes, yes, yes but I am by no means particularly good at it.

Do you ever wonder where George Bush is at this exact moment? Do you care?

No. Dear god, no.

Is Barack Obama doing a good job?

In a word, no.

Do you think Hillary would have done a better job?

No.

How about John McCain?

He (or Palin) would have ended civilization as we know it.

Have you ever doused yourself in gasoline and threatened to set yourself alight?

Yes. Wait a minute. No!

Do you ever think about what it would be like to stand on Sarah Palin’s front lawn and look at Russia?

Nnnooo.

Would you buy a used car from Sean Hannity?

Nnnnnoooo.

Would you shack up with Ann Coulter?

FUCK NO.

If you wouldn't buy a used car from Sean Hannity would you buy one from Joe Liebermann or Claire McCaskill?

No, and who?

Do you use the phrase “begs the question” when you mean to raise the question?

CERTAINLY NOT.

Do you understand the term bad faith as it applies to existentialism?

I am ashamed to admit that I do not.

Do you substitute playdough for Plato when speaking of the Greek Philosopher?

No.

If I say Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates can you place them in the proper chronological order?

Probably not, but that may change.

Are you tired of all the questions?

Getting there.

Thanks Norm, these are going to come in handy on my first date with this girl...

Why do you want to know?

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