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Peanut Butter: The Atheist's Nightmare

I'm speechless, as David the first to send me a link to this video put it, WOW, JUST WOW. Thanks to Ray as well for the heads up. I would have hated missing this one. Of course we mustn't forget the other atheist's nightmare, the banana.

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These people need to go read a book besides the bible.

I would also like to add that the food industry does not depend on the fact that evolution does not happen because a jar of peanut butter is no where close to the the same conditions as the ancient earth. Let's also hope that jar of peanut butter wasn't sitting on the shelf for 10 million years either.

My god, they've done it! lol

Umm... evolution doesn't deal with the generation of life from non-life. It only describes the selection of heritable variation. Some of those principles are undoubtedly relevant in a theory of how life began in the first place, but the process of evolution itself doesn't begin until there's already some way for traits to be passed on via an error-prone replication mechanism.

Evolution itself is entirely compatible with a view that the first life was put there. There are much better theories about the origin of life, but they are somewhat distinct from evolution itself.

The point is, even if the argument in the video made any sense whatsoever, it wouldn't have any bearing on whether evolution happens.

I should note that the evolutionary process is not restricted to things with DNA, by any means. The underlying principles are almost certainly relevant in explaining how life as we know it came about via a series of chemical reactions that didn't evolve what we'd call "life". Still.

don't engage with peanut brains

a glib fallacy intelligently designed to again arm the masses of christ followers with the power to engage, frustrate and stifle any person who truly want to understand the miracle of life



This is as good as the banana lunacy.

If I wasn't already intimately acquainted with the prodigious insanity of Creationists, I would call this an obvious satire.


My head hurts after watching that. If that guy is an engineer, I want to know what kind and I want to stay far, far away from anything he's worked on. Geeez these guys are absolutely, freakin' out of their gonzo minds. Excuse me while I take something for this throbbing pain in my skull.

So let me get this straight:

In the beginning, the world was a giant vat of peanut butter, sealed air-tight in a protective jar to ensure no life could grow. It was then shipped around, exposed to very little temperature change, and had an expiry date printed on the side, because after a certain date, things might actually start growing in it. And since Earth was used before it went past its expiry date, no life grew. So since this didn't happen, evolution is false. I had no idea!

Have I missed something here? Has the delicious, creamy and jam-covered world gone fucking mad? Comparing peanut butter, an organic product which comes from something which grew, to a primordial ooze subjected to extreme temperatures and lightning storms and all sorts of geothermal abuse couldn't make any less sense if I tried. So I'll give them a new argument:

'I don't want to believe in evolution, because we as humans have the power to rationalise and feel emotions, and act on those emotions. It seems illogical that the world could evolve and produce vast amounts of relatively stupid creatures, save a certain breed of humans that have vast amounts of intellect, so much so that we are self-aware and can feel emotional attractions to others, love, hate, a relationship with God that created us. That's why evolution doesn't make sense.'

Wait, no, that's still pretty fucking stupid.

Actually ... I believe there was salmonella in some of those peanut butter jars. Isn't that "evidence" of "new life" in peanut butter jars? Or did God put the salmonella in there? :D

"I say! You've got peanut butter all over my bible!"

"No I haven't, you've got bible in my peanut butter!"

Last time it was a banana. This time peanut butter?

Next time they need to figure out how bread will work in the equation. Then we can make peanut butter and banana sandwiches and shove 'em down all their non-scientific throats!


....despite a long running marketing campaign, the good people at Smucker's found to their surprise that 'Primordial Ooze' didn't sell nearly as well as their other, more popular products....

Friggin' wow...creationists are really reaching for things to "back up" there beliefs.

These people a mentally deranged. The reason nothing grows in packed food such as bags of chips, jars of food, condensed foods, or dry foods is because they are either vacuum sealed, they lack water moisture, or get no sun light.

And as we all know, for life to exist you need at least water and oxygen. Plant matter of course requires sun light and water.

Other foods are packed so full of preservatives that it is impossible for it to spoil (become riddled with bacteria).

What an R-tard.

I would think that even many people who believe in evolution would find that as crazy as everyone else.

With respect to Ray Comfort's banana example: Could one not also argue that a cucumber is the perfect shape to be inserted into a vagina or rectum? Using deductive logic it is safe to assume God is surely a pervert!

This is actually a very old argument. Louis Pasteur did a series of clever experiments to show that airborne bacteria causes mold to grow on milk and that maggots hatch from eggs laid by flies in rotting meat. At the time, these were two examples of how living things could spontaneously grow from dead matter. He demonstrated these phenomena in order to show that life can not begin spontaneously, and thus Darwin's theory had no valid starting place. This may, however, have been the last valid science done in the name of creationism since then.

But can he explain how my jar of peanut butter nonetheless contains organic matter the presence of which on any other planet would surely indicate the possibility of life? What's that? The manufacturer put it in there. I thought the whole thing smelled of intelligent design.

where does this video come from? can anybody provide a link?

Oh for Christ's sake. One of YouTube's featured videos for today might be a nice antidote. See "Creation Science 101" (currently the third video down):

I don't know how long they keep a featured video up, so in case it disappears from there:

Please tell that to the cornbread on my kitchen counter.

Ants?? So all this time THAT'S where the mold was coming from!?! Amazing...

We're all dumber for having listened to that man speak.

a christian once gave me a tract with that same bit on one of the pages...

the "...nightmare" part is what made me think of it.

I.Ders are fucking insane.

Since when did evolution mean abiogenesis?

This is all built on a false argument that accuses the scientific theory of evolution of dumbly stating that all life came from absolutely nothing. They've constructed an argument they think they can win and distract attention from the truth. The differences are that the scientific theory states that many species came from a single cell. They replace "species" with "all life" and "a single cell" with "nothing." There's your confusion that will hold up to one-sided debate.

And certainly, no ever said life appeared spontaneously...

This can't be for real! Please someone tell me this is just a lost clip from the Daily Show or Real Time. To think otherwise makes me very very sad.

So many wasted jars of peanut butter i just ate, instead of proving evolution didnt happen. Ive wasted my life.

Bwahahaha. Wow. That was complete tripe.


"Babies come from Mommy's Butt and Peanut Butter Saves Jesus: Collected Stories to Save Your Children from the Atheist Nightmare"

Of course, evolution looks ridiculous to people who think the earth is 6000 years old. Millions to billions of years may be required for just a chance of life. Scientists substitute time and chemistry for god in the origin of life.

The differences are that the scientific theory states that many species came from a single cell. They replace "species" with "all life" and "a single cell" with "nothing."

That life originally came from non-life is a central concept of evolution. The first 'living' things may not have resembled any single cell alive today. They certainly wouldn't be able to compete with anything alive today.

actually, sll I could think about when I was listening to this attempt at complete distraction and confusion on the issue of the origin of life is: this is just like what Michael Crichton sounds like when he talks about climate change!

did you all hear this "debate" on NPR? Norm, you might consider culling it for excerpts.

sad thing is (and I'm ruining the suspense for you here) the Crichton side actually won the debate (audience before and after poll).

link here in case that gets broken


Are they born that stupid or do they work at it? really did look like a SNL skit.

"And as we all know, for life to exist you need at least water and oxygen. Plant matter of course requires sun light and water."

About that, oxygen is harmful to the first kind of organism's I been told, that is why theory was something more like that we had a different atmosphere before life came to earth, the oxygen we have now came from million of years of organic respirations, scientists have been able to create simple organic molecules such as proteins and such in experiments - Life can occur in the right conditions, but a jar of peanut butter is not one of them


Dare I also mention that the guy you see in the start was in another video were he claimed that Grand Canyon was carved by the same flood that caused the world to be flooded in Noah's Ark

So let me get this straight. If I get a degree in engineering that makes me a biologist. That's like getting an English degree makes me a heart surgeon. Perhaps next time my car has mechanical problems I won't waste my time with a mechanic, I'll go to a circus clown to get it fixed. Is this video a conspiracy to make bible thumping fundamentalist creationists look dumber than they already are?

The peanut butter example could just as easily be used to prove that God does not exist.

If, after many tests of opening peanut butter, we never discover any miraculous organisms emerge, then this proves that God never created life miraculously.

Absurd reasoning devoid of logic? Of course it is!!

If life is supposed to originate from peanut butter, does that mean I have to have primordial soup on my toast?

I'm speechless. Teh Stupid. It burns

RE: the banana argument. Does that mean Satan designed the pineapple, artichoke, wheat, potato, cows, pork, coconut, walnut, etc. since those foods are a bit harder to eat? So we should only eat bananas?

I suppose if the banana were the [i]perfect food[/i] and that all humanity lived on them eating nothing else.... No, I'd still think they were full of crap.


They call evolution a fairy tale and then read the bible stories and think they're real?! It's incredible to what extremes of idiocy people will drag themselves just to hold on to a belief.


I was hoping that when he opened the peanut butter those "nuts in a can" snakes jumped out. In fact, I half expected it.

But it's chunky peanut butter!

That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. It reminds me of the time I had to clean out a colleagues desk, and found a book that claimed to conclusively disprove evolution, in less than 100 pages of very large print, with no footnotes or other references. The logic was a probably a lot like that moron in the video, for all I know he wrote it.

Sometimes you don't have to read something to know it's bullshit.

This shit just makes me want to cry.

But I'm not sure what depresses me the most -- that people can hold such insane beliefs, or that those of us that know better than this, enable the crazy bastards to hold such beliefs, simply because we are too 'polite' to tell them that they are batshit fucking insane.

I don't think you can stop religion, or prevent it -- and I don't think you should ban it. Don't get me wrong, if banning it fixed the problem, I'd be all for it -- but banning religion just fuels the desire for martyrdom. The underlying problem is superstition, and you know -- general stupidity.

But I do think you should seriously discourage religion. Religion should be something that people would be embarrassed to admit to believing in. A co-worker of mine once admitted to believing in astronomy, and lent me a couple of books on the topic -- but she begged me to not tell anyone about her interest in the subject...

That is how religion should be perceived, in our modern world: As something that a person might -- but should not -- believe in. As something that is idiotic, and acknowledged as being idiotic, to the point where you'd be embarrassed to admit believing in it.

I was an atheist since back when I realized Santa was BS, but this video has a good point. How could God not exist if life don't spontaneously appear when exposing a jar of organic matter? It just doesn't make sense!

It's a perfect Chewbacca Defense!

By this "logic," finding mold in a single jar of peanut butter would disprove the existence of God. We should ban peanut butter to make sure this will never happen.

I don't think the food industry is based on the fact that evolution doesn't happen. I think the food industry is based on the fact that God not putting random shit in processed foods to, as Bill Hicks put it, to "fuck with us".

"I'll put some dinosaur bones here to fool everyone! I'm killing myself, yay!"

(back on topic)

Seriously, the food industry is based around the fact that most bacteria and single celled organisms cannot survive extreme temperature change. There are bacteria that live in volcanos that would die at room temperature. There are anarobic bacteria that can live without air, but shrivel up and lay dormant in the presence of oxygen.

Never has a more false portrayal of evolution existed.

Wow - that was sad. Where did that video clip come from?

Nicklas Rahbek, the topic of what our atmosphere was made of is covered very well in the book "Rare Earth"(though the actual topic the book discusses is different). If no one here has read it I highly recommend it (I myself have only read about half so far, it's a pretty dense read, but fascinating). Here is another link I found that also discusses the early atmosphere of the earth:

Also, I recently heard that the tour guides at the Grand Canyon have been told to not discuss how the Grand Canyon was formed, due to the fact that so many people believe it was created by the "flood". I guess the policy was instituted so as not to cause problems with those people while on a tour.

Can anyone confirm or deny if this is actually the case? I tried a Google search but was unable to come up with anything.

If I make a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch, will Jesus appear in the sandwich? I've always wanted to meet him, and little did I know it was the jelly that was keeping us apart.

Reality is Scientists have been able to form life(at least in its most simple form) by running electricity through a primordial ooze.

I don't think they tried it with peanut butter. or looked for gods word written in the design of banana peels. Silly Scientists

Godless science says that the Earth is round... but when I place a soccer ball in the middle of a field, it does not roll away and fall off into space.

I have now proven that the world is flat. It's the Heliocentricist's Worst Nightmare.

I third the "WOW!" and raise with a "YIKES".

Note to self: Lobby for "Logic" (a la Philosophy not math) to be taught in grade school.

Creationists scare me...but just a little...'cuz they be some dim witted crazies.

By "respecting" people's religions, you are invited THESE people to come and recruit your children. And unlike the gays, these people actually do go out and recruit children.

Wow ... that was a parody, right?! :-)


reed writes:"Reality is Scientists have been able to form life(at least in its most simple form) by running electricity through a primordial ooze."

i'm aware of a famous series of experiments in the fifties (referred to in bronowskis' "the ascent of man") where simple amino acids appeared, later "debunked" because of apparant contaminants (i think). does anyone know of any more recent or succesful attempts to create life in the laboritory? has electricity plus raw elements created life? i'd be so dissappointed if i'd missed it. really.

Smart people will beat stupid people.

This must be why fundies hate the whole idea of evolution.


I recently heard that the tour guides at the Grand Canyon have been told to not discuss how the Grand Canyon was formed, due to the fact that so many people believe it was created by the "flood". I guess the policy was instituted so as not to cause problems with those people while on a tour. Can anyone confirm or deny if this is actually the case?

There wouldn't be a single policy "instituted" (by whom?).

I took an 8-day trip down the Colorado River last summer, and our guide said he had taken a raftload of Creationists down on a prior trip that year, so we discussed this with him.

The (non-private) Grand Canyon trips are a concession bid on by many companies, and about 20 different ones are licensed to handle tours.

Each company has their own policies and procedures, and I suppose it's possible some of them tell the guides to give out inaccurate information, but I doubt it. Our guide had a degree in geology and was very knowledgable about the Canyon and its history.

Many of the rafts are reserved by groups, and his was led by some famous ID-er. He said he'd listen quietly while the guy spewed his nonsense, and then when it came time for him (the guide) to talk about some river feature, he'd directly contradict what the guy had said. By the end of the tour, his group was either a lot smarter, or very confused!

In other words-- anyone can lease a whole raft and put together a tour, even Creationists, and they can say whatever they want during the tour, and even call themselves "guides." The commercial guides can say as little or as much as they want, depending on the tip they'd like at the end, I guess, but I highly doubt the commercial companies are directing them to lie.

WizCo: TOO FUNNY, very very good, thanks....

Smart people will beat stupid people.
-- Dood

Well, that kinda depends upon exactly how smart you really are... I mean, I'm kinda smart, but not Mensa material, and this time I played Trivial Pursuit with some stupid people -- and you know, I didn't beat them. They didn't beat me either -- although that was a close call, mind you -- they were upset that I was that surprised by their stupidity, and inability to answer the questions. Then they called me a faggot, and left. I thought damn, are gay people smarter than straight people -- and for a brief moment, I wished that I was gay. You know, except for the taking it up the ass, pillow-biting shitbox truffle hunting part -- but dang, I'd trade my soul to be smarter than I am. Because then I wouldn't have offended the stupid people.

But ya know, there for the grace of Thor, goes I.

Remarkable! The exact same life-truth was delivered to me one night when I gazed into the mini-fridge after smoking a bag of pot.

First, I think the very first guy to appear in the video (with the glasses) is actually a proof that we do have a common ancestor with chimps, interesting cranial morphology.

Secondly, for the peanut butter guy, if his argument is so bulletproof about the falsity of (micro or macro) evolution, how does he explain that old people get a flu shot every year ? If the virus wouldn't mutate (evolve), there would be no need for a yearly shot. And what about anti-biotics-resistant bacteria ? What other possible cause than micro-evolution (and greedy pharmaceutical corps that always push for more prescription even if not needed)?

As someone said in a previous post, claiming such insanities in 2007 should be an embarrassment, not considered virtue.

Well if evolution is about survival of the fittest they why am I here? Ha. Got you there Dominique! Mr. Smartguy. </Peanut Butter guy>

"As someone said in a previous post, claiming such insanities in 2007 should be an embarrassment, not considered virtue."
-- Dominique

Thank you.


To imply that these dopes accurately represent creationism is disingenuous.

There is a difference between intelligent design and creationism. Nonetheless, much of the arguments made by either side are of this calibre.

If you can present us with a much more sophisticated argumentation from them by all means link us up. I could use a laugh.

Those guys are idiots. THe reason why the peanut butter dosent have "new life" in it is because its sealed in a air tight package. so even if you expose it to heat, there will be no oxygen inside. "THe entire food industry lies on the fact that" -- AIRTIGHT PACKAGES KEEP ITEMS FRESH.. idiots. and plus. The way the peanut butter man speaks makes me suspect that he never took any science course. Read a damn book fools. I believe in god, and the theory of evolution. I believe that GOD SPARKED THE START OF EVOLUTION


that was pretty funny...

well for one...peanut butter isnt on the shelf for very long...let alone millions of years...and it takes some time for microorganisms to culture lol

idk if they've heard of it...but food contains these certain chemicals called preservatives...they prevent any microorganisms from growing...

damn...that was most likely the most ignorant pro creationism video i've ever seen lol

Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time. Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat. </sings%gt;

Well, has he kept the same jar of peanut butter for a few million years? ...Didn't think so.

And until I look through a telescope and find a big bearded man sitting on a cloud putting people together like legos, I'm still going to believe that I came from peanut butter.

"you and I (collectively) conduct over a billion experiments every year"

... assuming a rigorous 14 hour/day workday with no vacation -- that's (drumroll)


Goddamn thats the most retarded thing I have ever seen!


The most retarded thing I have ever seen is the theory of evolution (guy... the word says it, it's a theory!!! that means it can be true but also false, not just true!).

these guys are compleatly ignorant, 1 thats abiogensis not evolution, 2 the examples of an ant and mold are evolved forms of life, 3 i don't see him pulling out a microscope, 4 he dosn't take into account that the jar was sealed for a specific reason.

people who don't read things besides the bible don't deserve to reproduce. you are flawed.

evolution exists, deal with it, god doesn't. deal with it.

go outside and live. you will eventually die and there shall be no heaven to save you.

These people have no sense of time scale, understanding of the term "energy input" or understanding of the chemical makeup and vastness of the earth's primordial seas.



I can't even roffle properly...


the stupidity of this video is..... indescribable. I think I'm just a little bit dumber as a result of watching it.

There's way too much preaching to the choir going on here. Although that phrase is probably better applied to the peanut butter video and its intended demographic. You have to be brainwashed before this will unconditionally make sense.

What, me hate Jesus. I don't even think the Jesus the Christians worship ever existed. Now some of the teachings attributed to him are good, nothing new, but good.

so THIS is what is going on in your country...

oh shit, I'm glad I'm living in Canada. (you know with the dying polar bears and the seals...)

That's bloody preposterous! Peanut butter does create new life sometimes. Haven't you ever opened up a jar and found a fresh new peanut sitting there?! Where did that come from? Clearly it was created by the peanut butter.

Sorry creationists, better luck next time!

So... can the creationist please explain viruses?

Thank you.


Peanut butter. Bananas. Creationism.

Elvis' fav food was fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Elvis sightings continue to this day even though he's supposedly dead. That's it! Elvis is God!

The terms 'nuts' and 'bananas' both happily apply.

"All Peter Pan peanut butter bought since May 2006 should be discarded, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration said on Friday in a statement broadening its warning about salmonella-contaminated peanut butter."

"As government scientists struggled to pinpoint the source of a salmonella outbreak linked to peanut butter, the first lawsuits were filed against ConAgra Foods Inc. on Friday."

Hmmm... Open peanut butter, find new life of unknown origin. Peter Pwned!

Ok, I'll bite (just a little bit).

Mr Dude, on the video thingie there: 100 years is no where near long enough. Like another poster said, you guys need to read a book besides the bible sometime.

Yet another poster points out that evolution does not cover abiogenesis, but I don't think Mr. Dude on the video is gonna be able to distinguish between evolution and abiogenesis in that way. Instead he'd just snicker that "abiogenesis" contains the word "Genesis" in it. sigh.

-- Furry cows moo and decompress.

Hey Susan, Thanks for your reply. I finally found the article I heard about.

If you Google Grand Canyon age creationism, it should be the first link.

The controversy started over a book the park book stores were carying "Grand Canyon: A Different View" by Tom Vail that said the Grand Canyon was created by the "flood" and that the official word from the park service on the age of the Grand Canyon is "no comment".

Did they happen to think that new life consisted of single celled organisms? Maybe leave those jars on the shelf for 2-3 billion years and you'd be able to find some bacteria or fungi growing. I dunno about you, but I wouldn't eat hundred year old peanut butter, let alone billion year old PB.


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