The banana: God's own dildo.

Okay, Mr. smarty pants atheist, and how come steaks are just the right size for dinner plates? Huh? And what about coconuts? Why do they come all shredded and ready to sprinkle on cakes?

You put one of these on your plate. Cool.

aaaaaahhhhhhhhahahahaha what returds

Did anybody else, remembering a recent Internet meme, want to point out to the guy that monkeys open bananas from the other end? Turns out, it really does work better that way.

So it turns out God put something that looks like a pull-tab on the wrong end of the banana. This result, combined with the coconut example[*], raise serious challenges to my "Incompetent Design" theory. I therefore pose a new conceptual framework wherein God, if he exists, must necessarily be a total dick.

[*] Seriously, have you ever tried to open a coconut fresh off the tree without the aid of power tools? I have. It's a learning experience not to be missed.

Some one forgot to tell that genius that the commercial banana he's holding is very different from mny that grow in the wild. Most bananas come in different colours, sizes, and even shapes with different textures to the peel. This particular variety, the same sold all over the world is, a clone from one banana tree. Every commecial banana plantation in the world grows clones from the same original trees, one that was commercially developed because of it's size, colour, texture, and ripening time. Such proud ignorance. If god is great and all powerful, why do so many preachers feel they need to lie for their god. That's always been a mystery to me.

are they kidding ?! nobody is that dumb !! oh my god ... i'm totally speechless ... i'd like to jam a banana up their ...........

Why Quicktime, why not just a simple Flash movie??? I can't see the video under my Fedora. :(

Perhaps the banana and other fruits have evolved to be eaten by animals so that their seeds could be dispursed where the animals deficate. This allows the plants to spread out much quicker than by relying on gravity and wind. The manure would also help the plant grow.

Why Quicktime? Because quicktime is best, it's my blog not yours. If you don't like quicktime you can go somewhere else for your video. Follow the link to the chemist there is a link there to a flash version I think this part starts about 4'30 into the video.

lololol... another drive by (yeah, I know, not that funny)

Thomas "If god is great and all powerful, why do so many preachers feel they need to lie for their god. That's always been a mystery to me."

Because, Thomas, God works in mysterious way! Come on, get with the program.

i thought it was a joke until i started to watch the whole show.

i think sometimes god is watching us , scratching his head thinking "what the f* did i do wrong?"

len: i'd like to jam a banana up their ...........

Yes, but isn't it positively amazing that Providence has provided a fruit so perfectly adapted to the human anatomy in this regard?

Durians!

My girlfriend says "But how can a soda can exist unless something or someone made it? Don't you see? It's a metaphor, like for the universe, ok?"

"Ok, ok fine. But then the same thing applies to God, who made God?

"No one made God, God is just God."

"Yeah but you just said that a thing can't exist unless something made it. How can God exist unless something made it!?"

"I don't get it."

"I mean how can something exist unless something made it!? You just said that!"

"So."

"SO!! What do you mean SO!?"

"So you're just being stubborn that's all. I think you really do believe in God."

"No I don't. I really don't."

"Yes you do."

"I'm going to bed."

"God works in mysterious way!"

Sounds like this: "Explain what a car is." "It's a car."

Thanks Jo Ann, I was just not thinking about the mysterius ways of sky monsters. I should have that figured out by now.:)

Yes it would appear that plants expend the enery to produce fruit in order to be propogated by fruit eating animals.''As anyone who grows strawberries knows, the strawbeery prefers sending out shoots that root and form new plants. Making fruit takes a lot more energy. Tht's why you have to clip the shoots, to force the plant to produce seeds and fruit.

Flowering plants go to the bother of flowering for a similar reason, to atract pollenating insects. The beauty humans perceive is incidental to the process.

But as Jon Stewart said, the world if only five thousand years old. Adam and Eve killed all the dinosaurs, fosselized them and buried them to fool the faithless.

Moreover, the hand of a chimpanzee is just as ideally suited for holding the banana as the human's is, which is not really a comparison these folks would want to draw, I assume. Unless they are advocating the position that we monkeys evolved to fit perfectly to the banana. Hehehe. But as a Christian, I think these sorts of folks are really the 'anti-Christ,' trying to make Christianity look dumb and evil. Because what else could explain this, or the Left Behind series? Come on, folks.

Oh, and because there's no subject on which I can't wax needlessly pedantic, I did some investigation of bananas (okay, I went to Wikipedia).

Turns out, bananas are a southeast asian fruit. Even a bible literalist is going to have a problem with this theory. If bananas really are such a perfect fruit designed for humans, then why did God put the Garden of Eden in Mesopotamia and the bananas in China? According to Wikipedia, bananas did not even arrive in the biblical lands until the middle of the seventh century, when they were brought there by Muslims.

I've always had to bite the pull-tab before it would ever open and it would still be all mushy at the top.

How did they know that the banana was my worst fear!? HOW!

Remember kids, child actors who now don't work in Hollywood never lie, I tell ya'!

“If bananas really are such a perfect fruit designed for humans, then why did God put the Garden of Eden in Mesopotamia and the bananas in China?”

That is like asking if god created every animal that ever existed in the beginning then how, did Noah manage to gather animals from 7 different continents and then fit them all in a boat.

Take it from me someone that love reading fantasy books and been reading them for a long time, it better not to try to make complete logical sense of everything that goes on in fantasy books. I would assume this hold true even for really old fantasy books like the bible.

As ridiculous as this is, at least they're being civil. Check out this public access program and ringing endorsement to "find god":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jIWWFBvs7A

Um, do they just not have the kind of dirty minds we have to find that hysterical, or what?

In response to "are they kidding ?! nobody is that dumb !! oh my god ... i'm totally speechless ... i'd like to jam a banana up their ..........." I'd say that unfortunately a lot of people probably find this banana explanation very compelling - a completely satisfactory answer for them, no more questioning needed - the solution is as simple as the banana.

Norm I love the blog, apart from the destory Israel sentiment.

The atheist nightmare? Who decided that?

The guy on the right was an atheist before converting to christianity, so I'd bet he's the one making that determination. Its no surprise he would think it would be the atheist nightmare, he was never a true atheist if nonsense like that could sway him.

There's more to atheism than just the belief that there is no god, for those who are truly interested. The harmony of nature and the universe reveals itself to me as science. I see these things as having deep, underlying natural causes, and I discover something new every day. Why reason that god works in mysterious ways when you need only look in a biology book to see how he does it?

About bananas... We grow bananas that better suit our needs as consumers. Supply and demand has replaced natural selection in this case, so the modern banana probably seems more divine than you would find them in the wild. It's like saying that god made racehorses faster than the other horses for our benefit on the tracks. It's selective breeding.

And there's always the slim possibility that our hands could have evolved around the banana. :P

"There's more to atheism than just the belief that there is no god, for those who are truly interested."

This is not true. Atheism is the absence in a belief in a god(s).

Even though atheism normally leads to those things you said, it does not entail them.

I am an atheist as well, so just trying to clear it up for you a bit. A lot of atheist would normally jump on a person for that, as atheism is not a belief system of any sort except for the exact (well, there are variations - strong, weak, etc.) definition of it.

I was always taught to open the banana from the other end. The reason is. (1) its just as easy to open, (2) if the banana is bad, it goes bad near that end so you can pull it off and eat the rest.

Anyway wouldn't that demonstration would of been a religous nightmare? Clearly it shows we were decendant from apes and all those apes with more lines or different hands died out cause they couldn't eat the banana.

Hi Bond, I like to think that an atheists is someone whose sense of morality and reason are equally strong and deeply held. And these qualities are often in short supply when religions are concerned.

Ohhh all you doubting Thomas' . In Heaven I will be eating bananas that will already be hand peeled by cherubs, whilst you sinners will be cast below, where bananas will be impossible to open, or will crumble to dust, or will be infested will those annoying little stringy bits, so that you recieve little or no satisfaction from your fruit eating experience!!

(p.s you don't WANT to know what your cucumber eating experience will involve)

HAHAHAHAAWwwwaahhahhaaa

bond: That's why I added "for those who are truly interested."

It's enough to say that there is no god, but there's a whole school of thought and philosophy that can be gathered along those lines.

I know a lot of atheists who just like to think that our existence happened by chance, nothing matters and that's the end of it. This is a very simple belief but its still going a step further than simply telling yourself there is no god. I think most atheists will believe in one thing or another that could justify their hypothesis that there is no god, otherwise they might as well be agnostic.

I don't think I was out of line with that statement. When you remove god from your view of the world nothing is immediately explained, you'd need to come up with some real answers, and that takes an interest in science or whatever answers you may pursue.

I absolutely beleived that was a parody. When he shows how the mouth fits the banana, that's just hilarious. So I followed the link to find out who these great comedians were.

I'm stunned.

"Seriously, have you ever tried to open a coconut fresh off the tree without the aid of power tools? I have. It's a learning experience not to be missed."

What you need is a vertical sharp metal stake firmly implanted in the ground, with the cutting edge roughly waist-high. Think over-sized XACTO knife. I've seen a professional coconut-husker work through a pile of coconuts at the rate of one every five seconds or so. Quite an impressive sight.

Incidentally, is it really true that the epicarp of the banana comes in 5 sections or lobes, as claimed by the fellow in the video, and not 3? I don't have a banana at hand to check. I ask because the white fleshy mesocarp consists of just 3 axial segments.

The sad thing is, that Cameron actually got a decent education on school - only to waste it on banana theologism. Such a pity.

Would he please explain my knees, lower back and all the other crap that seems a tad lacking?

My beef with Creationism is how Men say they KNOW how God works. What arrogance! If all the evidence of God's actions points to Evolution, perhaps that is the bloody way God wanted it. Why does one chapter of a single book invalidate every other piece of evidence on the planet?

My beef isn't with religious people, it is with unthinking people.

Dear Anonymous, I can see no proper reason why you can't see the video under Fedora. There are various programs for Linux that understand both the Quicktime enclosure and h.264 codec. I myself have watched Apple's h.264 HD demos on a quite recent Fedora at my university's computer lab.

Try VLC or mplayer, they should work for you.

When I was a kid, I used to be so scared at night because I believed that there was a banana under my bed that was perfectly shaped to the human hand and had tabs for easy entry. I still have those nightmares to this day.

God had the wonderful wisdom to provide humans with hair that uncut grows over our faces and eyes.

Does this mean watermelons weren't designed? I can't fit them in my hand, there is no pull tab and the seeds aren't easy to digest.

Of course the penis was designed for masturbation, why else would it fit so easily into the hand.

Hurray! I second the durian for inclusion on their next show. My hands are still covered in little stab wounds from trying to peel open the tasty, stinky, painful thing.

i wrote a article about this in my school newspaper

I was up late one night this month, and I was watching TV. I stopped on my favorite channel, TBN (trinity broadcast network). What I saw was something that changed my life forever. It was a man explaining how a banana proved that evolution couldn’t have happened. Something about its protective biodegradable peel, its molded grip handle, and how the shape is a perfect fit for someone’s month. It all made sense; evolution could not have created something so perfect for human consumption. Something so perfectly useful could not have come about by chance. I of course quickly switched to CNN, to see what they had to say about this stunning revelation (no pun intended) Nothing! Surely the president would be giving a speech about it anytime now.
I went on the internet, nothing about the banana anywhere to be found. I even googled “god’s banana” (which brought up some crazy pictures and websites, but not what I was looking for.) Finally after searching TV and the internet for hours, I gave up a defeated man. Why would this not be all over the news and blogs everywhere? Then my pseudo-hippy mind went into effect, I began spinning a paranoid web of a conspiracy theory. TBN is not a channel of faith but rather a channel of Science and truth seekers. The president surely can’t let this information out it would throw his whole Christian fan-base into an up-roar. The news channels, which are funded and owned by religious groups and people, would not want people to know this new scientific evidence.
Think of the repercussions of that headline, “God Doesn’t Exists says New TBN Study”. I mean how upset would churches around the world be. There on late-night TBN, a Christian channel, a man of god and science, stating without a doubt, that “god” was part of the creation of life and provable. Thus making “god” a part of the laws of nature and not above it! Now that we know god as being part of nature, would it come out and make a statement. Imagine how mad it would be! Everyone worshiping the thing we thought to be god. Now he is nothing more than a lowly part of nature like the rest of us. Thank god….I mean, thank nature for the banana. Boy this “god” character sure had us fooled. But with scientific proof we can eliminate the faith, and as we all know god is nothing without faith. God is no longer above and beyond nature but rather a part of. So I believe that as a man living on Earth we have the right to know this. Whoever/whatever is posing as god is a very powerful thing, and is obviously keeping this new proof that he is not god, under wraps. Trinity Broadcast Network, thank you for your whistle-blowing journalism on exposing the proof of god and (even though you didn’t say it, I know you meant it) thus eliminating faith and destroying the concept of god. I will make it may duty to let all people know of god’s non-existence, I will just simply keep a banana in my back pocket.

I was up late one night this month, and I was watching TV. I stopped on my favorite channel, TBN (trinity broadcast network). What I saw was something that changed my life forever. It was a man explaining how a banana proved that evolution couldn’t have happened. Something about its protective biodegradable peel, its molded grip handle, and how the shape is a perfect fit for someone’s month. It all made sense; evolution could not have created something so perfect for human consumption. Something so perfectly useful could not have come about by chance. I of course quickly switched to CNN, to see what they had to say about this stunning revelation (no pun intended) Nothing! Surely the president would be giving a speech about it anytime now.
I went on the internet, nothing about the banana anywhere to be found. I even googled “god’s banana” (which brought up some crazy pictures and websites, but not what I was looking for.) Finally after searching TV and the internet for hours, I gave up a defeated man. Why would this not be all over the news and blogs everywhere? Then my pseudo-hippy mind went into effect, I began spinning a paranoid web of a conspiracy theory. TBN is not a channel of faith but rather a channel of Science and truth seekers. The president surely can’t let this information out it would throw his whole Christian fan-base into an up-roar. The news channels, which are funded and owned by religious groups and people, would not want people to know this new scientific evidence.
Think of the repercussions of that headline, “God Doesn’t Exists says New TBN Study”. I mean how upset would churches around the world be. There on late-night TBN, a Christian channel, a man of god and science, stating without a doubt, that “god” was part of the creation of life and provable. Thus making “god” a part of the laws of nature and not above it! Now that we know god as being part of nature, would it come out and make a statement. Imagine how mad it would be! Everyone worshiping the thing we thought to be god. Now he is nothing more than a lowly part of nature like the rest of us. Thank god….I mean, thank nature for the banana. Boy this “god” character sure had us fooled. But with scientific proof we can eliminate the faith, and as we all know god is nothing without faith. God is no longer above and beyond nature but rather a part of. So I believe that as a man living on Earth we have the right to know this. Whoever/whatever is posing as god is a very powerful thing, and is obviously keeping this new proof that he is not god, under wraps. Trinity Broadcast Network, thank you for your whistle-blowing journalism on exposing the proof of god and (even though you didn’t say it, I know you meant it) thus eliminating faith and destroying the concept of god. I will make it may duty to let all people know of god’s non-existence, I will just simply keep a banana in my back pocket.

hehehe .. bananas are funny.

why do preachers lie? because they don't know they're lying. instead of getting an education they've spent years pumping their brains full of theology and other kinds of bullshit.

Pffffttt...

Clearly grasping at straws here...I find it funny that these "believers" will latch onto any "proof" no matter how silly, that a God exists.

This religion would have been dead millennia ago if certain governments hadn't seen its potential for guiding/controlling mass behavior, and in turn, supported it financially and philosophically…Nothing more than a two thousand year old superstition manipulated to sway the minds of the masses. Do as your told, or else!

BTW: I am God, and if you don't believe this post you shall be damned forever.

I wasn't sure if it was a joke or not until I read the comments. It would've been brilliant satire. As it's not satire, I'm feeling a little nervous that people like this are able to operate heavy machinery.

I wonder if Cameron realizes what a BOOB he looks like? He is the epitome of all that has ever been wrong with humanity...a person that REFUSES to mind his own damn business.

Maybe that Cameron guy should have read his bible before he decided to convert back to chrisianity. There is one sin Jesus will NOT forgive, that is denial of the holy ghost. If he was an athiest that means he denied it, and he won't be forgiven.

Thing is, the man's also just given an argument for oral sex being designed by God, too. Somewhere between God's creation and the Bible, something must have gotten mixed up...? All those anti-sodomy go against the divine plan, built right into the penis by God himself!

It almost looks like Kirk is laughing.

"for those who are truly interested."

I am sorry, I interpeted that in a different way than you meant it.

Even a person that is "truly interested" in atheism, it does not mean that their is some sort of belief system behind it.

While the way many get to that point is through scientific investigation or reasoning, it does not automatically mean they arrived at the atheist standpoint because of that.

I think some of the people at infidels.org rubbed off on me with that, as many would jump over anyone that tried to say that if you are an atheist, then you MUST believe such and such.

Actually the banana does prove that evolution can come about with and without a maker.

Consider the banana that we have eaten as a clone from the most commercially viable plant.

This plant was created by grafting where the tissues of one plant are encouraged to fuse with those of another.

While the Intelligent Design crowd constantly states that there is a lack of proof that one species can change to become another, isn't grafting proof that evolution does take place, even without the express permission of the Designer?

"banana theologism"

Damn this thread is fun.

Let's see Kirk and company live on a diet of nothing but bananas and water for a couple of weeks. I'm sure they'll quickly start explaining how god created the fork.

Believe in god and religion or not, this is pretty ridiculous.

Does Ray realize that the banana he is using has been sterile for 10,000 years? It's been sterile because of a genetic mutation (yup, folks, that's evolution). It's been harvested by humans because this "intelligent designer" created a species of banana that would have otherwise died out. Other species of bananas are not edible for human consumption (another fact that dumb ol' Ray failed to point out).

The banana supports evolution, Ray and Kirk are too ignorant to know otherwise.

There once was a young girl named Anna Who thought only God could design a banana. She said see how it fits In between my huge t*%s And how cute it looks in a bandana.

Anyone else think that most of his bananna arguments work for a penis as well? So doesn't that mean the "intelligent designer" meant for all people to have penis in their mouth, at least at some point?

^LOL! I nearly fell of my chair on that one!!!

The alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short circuit destroying the mind.

--Ayn Rand

Sometimes a bananna is just a bananna.

So what about pineapples? Were pinapples designed by satan?

Bananas are actually in danger of being devastated by plague, cos they aren't into that sinful sexual reproduction thing.