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George Bush Wants You

The White House is updating their employment application. Here is what they have so far, and they want your help in framing questions that will find more folks just like themselves. If you love your country, if you aren't anti-american, you'll leave your suggestions in the comments.

White House Employment Application
  1. List at least ten people you have bribed.
  2. List the ten largest bribes you've received.
  3. Explain how you contribute to global warming, daily, monthly, and yearly.
  4. List two ways to use more energy, be specific
  5. Suggest five possible tax breaks for the rich we don't have.
  6. Write a paragraph on why God loves republicans best.
  7. List all those friends, neighbors, and coworkers you've spied on.
  8. Write an essay on how to support the military while never serving
  9. List three powers the executive branch doesn't have that it should have.
  10. Submit at least seven samples of someone else's writing

 

Comments

That's hilarious. Just one thing, I think you meant to spell "can" as "and".

You're right, thanks.

Well, I own 5 copies of John Ashcroft's greatest hits CDs and I like to vivsect small animals, so would I qualify automatically?

I certainly think vivisection skills would be a plus. You might consider submitting an application to the justice department, or perhaps a career in military intelligence would make better use of your skills. You could sing Ashcroft's greatest hits while you work.

List at least ten people you have bribed. *My mother, father, brother, sister, and teachers.

List the ten largest bribes you've received. *Staying out late, an agreement not to tell on me ..hmmm.. I feel like a failure compared to Abramhov :(.. will have to contact my local chapter of Republicans to come up with better ways to bribe someone.

Explain how you contribute to global warming, daily, monthly, and yearly. *I can tell those Prius-driving tree huggers that they are all a bunch of moonbats.

List two ways to use more energy, be specific *I can refuse to sell my pick up truck because it makes me feel more macha, and if you't don't like it, fuck you. (I actually do drive a p.u. truck.. bad girl) *I can vote for the Republicans.

Suggest five possible tax breaks for the rich we don't have. *This is a tough one.. uh, provide loopholes for unearned wealth and call it tax reform.. no... we already have that one.. ok... uh... nevermind..

Write a paragraph on why God loves republicans best. *God loves Republicans best because they have family values. Vive les zigotes!

List all those friends, neighbors, and coworkers you've spied on. *I'll work on this one, promise.

Write an essay on how to support the military while never serving *I don't have to serve in the military. As long as I wave an American flag and wear a "support our troups" pin, I'm a true patriot.

List three powers the executive branch doesn't have that it should have. *It should be able to know everything about our private life and.. wait.. oh, shit, here we go again :\

Submit at least seven samples of someone else's writing *What do you mean by "someone else's writing"? Is this the same game you moonbats are using to discredit conservatives? Get real.

  1. List any minority or subculture to which you belong, and treatment you are seeking.

So, when did tragedy become comedy?

  1. Always capitolize the R in Republican, but do not capitolize the d in democrat. Like so.

  2. When referring to that... "other" party, always refer to it as the democrat party. Not the democratic party. Democracy is good. democrats are bad.

  3. Change voter registration to Republican Party registration. It isn't like your vote will be counted otherwise.

White House Employment Application

Answers to Questions 1-10:

Classified Information Important to National Security

But let it suffice to say that I have excellent answers to all these questions that would immediately make you want to hire me. You can trust me.

  1. Include all ways you smeared your opponent in the last election (bonus points for going after his family).

  2. Explain why you believe the Bill of Rights should be phased out.

  3. List no less than 5 species of plants or animals that you forced into extinction.

  4. Complete this sentence: In America, _ hate(s) liberty.

I suppose if someone is lacking some of those job requirements they offer on-the-job training ... you think?

  1. Name at least five racially-motivated derogatory terms you use on a daily basis (behind closed doors, of course).

  2. Do you know how to dress and treat close-range shotgun blasts? If so, please consider a job with the Office of the Vice President.

  1. Find more ways to have immigrants look like terrorist.

Drive a Navistar MXT pickup - a truck that somewhat dwarfs a Hummer. Why settle for a tailpipe when you can have a smokestack instead?

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