Washington is abuzz, not since Ann Coulter was seen leaving the White House several months ago has there been this much excitment. This story is potentially even more damaging for the president than his escapades with the tawdry Miss Coulter. Singer Britney Spears has been seen leaving the White House on more than one occasion, and usually late in the evening. The president is known to retire early which has added to the speculation.

Scott McClellan in his opening remarks at Monday's briefing assured the press that sex was not involved, and besides she wasn't even there. There aren't any pictures, and even if there were you can't prove they are real, so there, he added.

The first question from the press got right to the point.

Q So what you're telling us Scott is that the President did not have sex with that woman.

MR. McClellan: Yes that's right. The President is a married man, and Laura has threatened to kick the crap out of him if he ever engages in such behavior again. She still hasn't gotten over his dalliance with Ann Coulter. So I'm pretty darn sure he didn't. We're fighting a war you know, George is the War President, there are accusations of torture, er I mean ponography, well let me just say unpleasant pictures, and these sorts of unsubstantiated charges are simply un-American.

Scott refused to answer any further questions about Britney, he did volunteer that the presidents fall from his bicycle was not an attempt to wrest the sympathy vote back from John Kerry who took a similar tumble a few weeks ago. We have learned that Britney has been a regular visitor to the White House. The details are not entirely clear but here is what we know so far. Several months ago, in a rare moment of insight George Bush admitted he needed help speaking properly. He was embarrassed by his performance at press conferences. He perceived that people were making fun of him, and being such a sensitive guy he was hurt by the remarks he heard and by the snickering. One day he was watching TV, eating pretzels, and enjoying Britney Spears singing. He observed that she never made mistakes, and he wondered how that could be. We know this because Jeb, the smarter brother, was overheard kidding George about it during a round of golf in Florida last week. "It's simple George she's lip syncing," Jeb said. Lip sinking said George. Is that what John Kerry was trying to fix with his Botox injections. No explained Jeb it's not the same thing, she is moving her lips but nothing is coming out. I have the same problem said George I move my lips and nothing comes out but mistakes. No says Jeb you don't understand there is a recording playing and she is just moving her mouth so it looks like she's singing. Oh, said George.
Karl Rove is reported to be excited. He thinks that lip syncing could be a real plus. " I've been under a lot of pressure the past four years. I give him good words but he just murders them. Unnamed sources inside the White House confirm that the president has really taken to the lip-syncing, and is making rapid progress. What began as private lessons between the President and Britney have now been expanded to include Dick Cheney, making it a threesome. Dick has been working on his Dubya impressions and believes he'll be able to provide coherent speech for the president to lip-sync too. This solves one of the last technical problems, namely where would the words come from in real time for George to use. There is some concern about what to do if the lip sync gets off. Britney is working even more closely with the president on lip sync adjustment techiniques. He's learning fast.