It's Always The Cook
Rolly and Wells host one of the more interesting columns in the Salt Lake Tribune, covering the absurd and amusing in Utah. Today's column brought the Salt Lake County Republican Chairman to our attention. It seems he has urged the party faithful, in an email, to cancel their Tribune Subscriptions. The sin, the Tribune supported four Democrats and only two Republicans in recent editorials. Certainly, a legitimate form of protest, but then he goes on to suggest that those with Internet access can have it both ways. They can continue to read the Tribune online, it's free after all, but cancel their subscription. Hit em where it hurts, so much for making a principled decision. I wonder if Republican Vegetarians eat meat if they can get it for free.
Perhaps even more remarkable was an article on the same page. A story of crime in Zion. I often make the point that religion is the problem not the solution. This time it was both. It seems a 26 year old Brigham Young University (the mormon "university") Student was enjoying his porn habit a little too much. Having a prissy wife gazing over his shoulder was not in the cards.
The solution get a divorce to pursue his minor in pornography. His major was in electrical engineering a point that will become more pertinent later. Mormons discourage divorce, and this mormon apparently felt it was not an option, a serious problem. What's a horny young man to do. Well this young man unable to find a solution within his faith decided to off his wife. He tried three times. In his first attempt he made his wife some cookies, cookies laced with rat poison, but rat poison spoiled the taste. His wife thought they tasted funny and didn't eat them. Two weeks later he spots some toxic looking mushrooms in his back yard. Voila, a few hours later he has some delightful spaghetti sauce. Alas the mushrooms were harmless. The story doesn't tell us, but I wonder if she complimented him on his improvement in cooking after the nasty cookies. Mormons are big on protecting the life of the unborn. I mentioned that his wife was pregnant didn't I. We'll it seems the desire for the evil porn overcomes even that consideration. If he succeeds, it will be two lives he takes. So shortly after his failure (success) with the spaghetti sauce he makes a final attempt. He replaces her blood clot medicine, which she injected daily, with hydrocloric acid in some fish tank cleaner. This is one tough woman, although the injection hurt a little more than usual and she did feel slightly ill she suffered no serious adverse effects. I suppose she's lucky her hubby didn't major in Chemistry. The young man then goes to his Bishop and during the conversation confesses that he's been trying to off his wife. Now I'm not sure, and the story doesn't make it clear whether he was confessing about viewing the pornography, and the part about the wife was just an aside or not. It wouldn't surprise me a lot if it was the pornography. Some of the zealots in this Church, and yes I do speak from personal experience, view smoking, drinking and pornography on a par with burglary, assault, and murder. At least they give that impression. Of course, the fundamentalist's will point to this story as evidence of the evils of pornography and avoid the obvious explanation that viewing naked women when you're a male is quite natural, and that his understanding of his religious beliefs is what led him to such desperate measures. The Bishop suggested he turn himself in, and he did. Oh and by the way the court has ordered him to stay away from her until permitted by the court if he makes the $250,000 cash bail. It's always the cook, isn't it?
