Igor Boog at Warblogger Watch has written some great satire on America's hidden motives for attacking Iraq, definitely worth a read, and from which I have borrowed liberally for the following:

The U.N. has concluded that indeed, the U.S. is guilty of having hidden motives for attacking Iraq, and has expanded their investigation into reports that the U.S. is also developing secret methods of consumption and of destroying the world's resources.

The New York Times reported today that the U.N. first became suspicious on George Bush's recent trip to Europe where while in France not only was he driving around in gas guzzling SUVs but members of his staff were seen at McDonalds® consuming Double Royales with Cheese, known in the United States as a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. France it should be noted is on the metric system.

During the past year, the US has repeatedly stated that it is only consuming the minimum necessary to meet it's modest needs, stating that no one knows how stressful it is living in America and what comfort some modest consumption provides. Evidence to prove the U.S. is modest in it's use of natural resources has failed to materialize however. The US is now widely suspected of secretly consuming resources the world didn't even know it had.

Experts are worried that America is hiding this consumption because such conspicuous consumption violates the rules of common sense and is fucking disgusting. The fact that Ari Fleisher hasn't mentioned his SUV this week is considered strong evidence of such concealment.

A spokesman for the UN says that it is unlikely the US has any justification for such consumption, but that since there are some members of the team are sympathetic to a nation of fat asses they probably wont reveal the results of their investigation. "A country like an individual knows when it is acting like a pig and public embarrassment seldom brings the desired results.

Ralph Nader a consumer advocate was more forthcoming. "Americans have always consumed more than they really need. Most people in the government understand this, and they don't care what the rest of the world thinks. The one person they are hiding the real consumption from is president Bush. Bush appears to be very concerned about the economy right now, and his aides are afraid that if he finds out the extent of such consumption, he might think even more consumption would be a good idea."

President Bush, asked whether he knew about the obscene level of consumption in America, reacted impatiently. "I know exactly how much we consume," he said. "I'm the president. We have to consume to live. Why? Because we're Americans. Isn't that a good reason? We need stuff. That's how the world works."